Being misunderstood by your near and dear ones can sometimes be a harrowing experience. And there is an important key to be noted in such scenarios to enable resolution. Such matters should not be discussed with anyone else apart from the person who supposedly has misunderstood you. By unnecessarily broadcasting your conflicts amongst family/friends, you may end up in a bigger mess than ever before, and the things will eventually take much more time to disentangle and resolve. And maybe in worst cases never resolve at all.
There is no one in this world willing to create sorrow for themselves or their loved ones. But our egos many a time drive our behavior and we end up saying or behaving in a manner we would have never wanted. And then the situation grows darker and darker with each moment passed. Many of us have seen ourselves or our loved ones saying, “Leave me alone; I can’t handle this anymore.” And this is the most crucial time when we never want to be alone. We are in pain, and we want to get relieved from it. There is no reason for us to carry that pain till eternity. We need to let go that burden which makes us heavy.
But, the issue is that the ego does not allow us to unburden ourselves(if a word like that exists :).
There are six mantras of Thich Nhat Hanh that may be applied in such situations:
Before you begin, perform three Deep breaths- “Breathe In…And Out” to bring calm yourself and then tell these six mantras sequentially or may be either one that holds relevant to you specific situation
1. I am here for you.
A powerful statement to show you are present and you are there with the other person. Or say this to yourself to bring you to the present.
2. I know you are there, and I am very happy.
Say this after you have practiced the first one. This mantra is essential to reaffirm that the presence of the other person means a lot to you, and they will feel they are loved.
3. I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.
When you sense that things are not going well with the other person, rather than trying to fix things for her or him, say this to offer your presence.
4. I suffer, please help.
I suffer. I want you to know it. I don’t understand why you did or said what you did. So please explain. I need your help.
When you get hurt especially by someone you care a lot about, you either suffer silently or get back at the other person. By saying this, you open a dialogue, and you immediately suffer less.
5. This is a happy moment.
You show the other person how lucky you feel when they are there, and you can enjoy happiness together right here and right now.
6. You are partly right.
This is the mantra when you are praised through the moon by someone, or when someone criticizes you. They see only a part of you and not the total you. You can use this when you look at other people too. Maybe you become more understanding.
More often than you would think, your conflicts will stand resolved even before things begin to entangle. The relationships will stay happy and so do you. Life is simple and has pretty simple solutions in place for the most complex issues we may face.
The above 6 point method is obviously not my discovery and comes from the great master Thich Nhat Hanh, as quoted in his book, The Art of Communicating. The book is a must-read if you want to imbibe a sense of calm in your conversations and take your life to a new mindful corner where There is peace in every step 🙂 (btw that is another book by Thich Nhat Hanh ). This was all for now. Share any experiences you may have that helps us get better in this art of conflict resolution, or maybe you can share your suggestions and feedback if you liked or disliked any part of this post.